兄弟
by satheri
Summary: Hashirama asks him so often why he has resolved to hate Uchiha Madara that Tobirama keeps a logbook of excuses for every occasion. Or: Hashirama and Tobirama, and the spaces between them.


**兄弟**

* * *

 _a tragedy:_

 _where once stood four boys,_

 _now there stand two_

 _with empty spaces between them_

* * *

Hashirama asks him so often why he has resolved to hate Uchiha Madara that Tobirama keeps a logbook of excuses for every occasion. He never tells him the whole truth. Sometimes, he'll say:

"The Uchiha are the single biggest security threat to our village, Hashirama. Don't let your friendship blind you to that."

"Those accursed eyes of theirs nourish themselves on grief and hatred. You're taking a leap of faith that hatred won't turn itself against our village someday, Hashirama."

"He has an insufferable temper."

"He has voted against every single administrative measure I've presented on the council since Konoha was founded. For reasons such as: claiming my proposed design for chunin vests was a fashion nightmare."

"Not even his own Clan trusts him."

"I'm fairly certain he's trained his messenger hawks to try to tear my eyes out whenever they deliver letters to the Hokage's office."

"He walks around like he owns the village, yet acts like he is doing us all a great charity by even agreeing to build it."

"I am not blind, Hashirama. After I cut down his brother, there hasn't been a single day he doesn't think of taking revenge on me. I can _see_ it in his eyes."

"He insists on bringing that ridiculous war fan to every meeting."

"What would you have me do? I could carve his face on the Hokage Mountain by hand and change the village's name to Uchihagakure no Sato, and I'd still be _that damned Senju_ to him."

"He endears himself to no one."

"He is a diplomatic accident waiting to happen."

"His laughter sounds maniacal. What? It _does._ "

He never tells him the full truth. He will scarcely admit it to himself. Tobirama is a rational man. He is naturally concerned about the danger the Uchiha pose to the village. He is not a little boy trailing in his brother's shadow, watching him laugh with a stranger by the riverside.

It is a question of: what does it mean to be brothers?

Once, when he was small, Hashirama asked him if he ever dreamed of changing the world.

"For better or worse?"

Hashirama looked shocked. "For better, of course! You know. Fixing it."

Tobirama considered it. He turned it over in his head, weighing the logical implications of what exactly in the world ought to be fixed, the concrete steps that should be undertaken to mitigate those problems, the resistance they would face, and how he, little Tobirama of the Senju clan, seven years old, might accomplish that, and said very sensibly that he would rather set his sights on a more reasonable goal.

Hashirama's face fell. "I guess I'm alone in my childish dreams..."

He wasn't.

Tobirama never told him. Because even at seven years old, he knew it wasn't logical and it wasn't concretely achievable and the world wouldn't want to be changed and it would get them both in trouble and his brother was a child with a heart larger than his good sense, and it was Tobirama's job to make sure he wouldn't get ideas like that in his head, to keep Hashirama from running himself through the nearest sword to be a martyr for a noble cause, because Tobirama couldn't think of a cause noble enough to deserve the sheer purity of his devotion.

But Hashirama, standing over him with that smile, had always seemed like a hero.

When there were still four of them, all small enough to huddle together in the same bed as Hashirama told stories to help them sleep, Tobirama had dreamed of his brother saving them all. Protecting them and making their lives brighter, with fewer fears and scars and graves.

But then the world came and hacked away at that dream, put swords in their hands, cut Kawarama out and sliced Itama apart, and shinobi don't have dreams, they have missions, and his mission was to keep Hashirama from doing anything foolish, to stop him from setting himself on fire to keep the world warm, because he was the only brother he had left. He wanted to grow up, and stand by his side, and watch out for him.

And he never told him about the dream he used to have, he never asked him _can you_ _make it_ _all better, would you change the world for me_ , because he knew that was a childish fantasy and he didn't want to put the weight of it on his brother's shoulders, because Tobirama was a smart boy who could look after himself.

And he let Hashirama think he never had a dream. He let him think Tobirama was born perfectly rational, forged out of cold metal and calculations. He let him think Tobirama didn't have the heart for dreams.

Until one day, Hashirama found someone else to share a dream with.

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 **兄弟**

* * *

Author's Note: I'm drowning in all my Senju brothers feelings...

Because there are too few fics that don't depict Tobirama as a Walking Block of Ice, even though his databook entry literally says _passionate_. Even though he literally dedicated his life's work to building up his brother's dream and making it successful on a political level. Even though it must have absolutely horrified him to see Hashirama ready to kill himself to appease Madara in order to build the village. Even though he was a young boy who _did_ share his brother's ideal of peace, only questioning it in terms of pragmatic diplomacy (Hashirama suggested embracing their enemies and living together. Tobirama suggested treaties and ceasefire agreements).

So yeah, I have _so many_ Tobirama feelings. He's very precious. I kind of want to write an AU where Tobirama and Uchiha Izuna meet by the Nakano river instead of Hashirama and Madara.


End file.
